Back To Where It All Began

All my adult and most of my late teenage years were spent looking for something to fill this void deep down inside me. When my Mother found a little country church she liked- we were all expected to attend. Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, soul winning (yes, it was dutifully up to us to save your soul from hell), youth activities outside of regular church hours, and eventually.... church school. Central Calvary Baptist was a unique church, but it was really all the church I had knew up to that point in my life.

They were a sturdy bunch. Independent Fundamental Baptist. If that doesn't scream "rigid", I can't tell you what does! The boys hair were not to touch their ears nor their collars. Women were to wear long skirts or dresses. Very billowy mid-shin coolots were proper work out attire. Females are to submit to males, be seen not heard, and the list goes on and on.

It was all very normal to me once we were in the swing of things. But I never felt whole. Never felt "happy" with religion. Our Pastor preached fire, hail stones, and brim for those that decided to swerve an inch off the straight and narrow. Revelations was preached about once a month. Every Sunday he called us sinners to the pulpit and front pews to get saved, before it was too late. I was always down there with the rest of the congregation, pleading for this God to have mercy on me, and please do not let me go to hell! The congregation  swarmed around us lowly sinners like bees on honey. Then there were the ones filled with the Holy Ghost. That was a sight to see. Always scared the crap out of me in all reality. Now that I reflect back on those years of my life I realize, there was so much sadness in that tiny church down CC Highway.

I eventually married at 16 and left that church for good with a bad taste in my mouth. I was introduced to a new way of life. Living very selfishly, for me, myself, and I. The world owed me, and big time. All I cared about was what I could get out of this life. Never crossing my mind what I could contribute. Still feeling dissatisfied I trudge onward for 7 more years. Divorced. Branched out on my own with help from my parents. My Mother was my main source of love during these difficult times. She always stood by me, no matter what. And for that I owe her everything.

I eventually went down a dark path once again. Feeling so alone in this Universe, though I was constantly surround by friends in my tiny two bedroom apartment. Then one day, my life changed forever, though I did not know it yet...

I met my husband. On Myspace, a social network for the younger generation 5 years ago. (Facebook is what's cool now, lol) I was craving human interaction. I was searching for people I had never met, never seen, blind to who I was contacting, except for a small avatar on their profile. I came across Chris' profile and decided to message him, spur of the moment thinking. We eventually met up and played a few games of pool together at a random karaoke place we both frequented. After talking we discovered we only lived five minutes away from each other. I introduced him to North Point, a non-church "church" that helped me re-discover my connection to God. And so began our friendship. After a year of hanging out, consoling each other through break ups, attending North Point, the usual friend stuff.... We admitted to each other that our feelings were mutual in extending beyond friendship.

Fast forward 4 more years and the Universe finally extends to me what I wish I would have seen all along. Via Joe, Chris' father. I firmly believe I met Chris to bring Joe into my life. To learn the things I am now learning. To open my eyes to God's true nature- which is love. Not judgement, hate, and condemnation. I am finally awakening. And boy, does it feel good!!!

So here I am. I truly hope I can help you awaken on your spiritual journey as well, or help to answer any questions you may have.... Please remember, I am a baby in all this, everything is being seen through new born eyes (as you may say). It is all very new to me as well! But each day I'm learning more and more, if you have any input, negative or positive, don't hesitate to comment. -Namaste

(Namaste- The Spirit in me respects the Spirit in you)